My baby came into the world through an incision. Cesarean. They wanted to try the suction. The forceps. I refused. He wasn’t moving. My baby. Later, the doctor told me it wouldn’t have worked. We made the right choice. His birth. His birthday. Soon it is my own birth day. I don’t know much about the story of my birth. My parents are long … Read More quinquaginta
Last year when I wrote my preview post, I was in a much different place in my life than I am now. I was in the thick of breaking myself down to the core. Now, that core has been reinforced and all that I am radiates from it and becomes again. This new me. 2016 was the year of me understanding my capabilities. It … Read More 2017: A Year in Preview, On Looking Back and Moving Forward
For the past couple of years I have been posting a year in preview as opposed to a year in review. It was meant to be both tongue-in-cheek and hopeful. Clearly, I had no idea how much hubris was involved in these posts. In my defense, I never posted absolutes. It was mostly about the emotional life of a human. But even that, as we … Read More 2016: A Year in Preview, On Becoming.
That winter I dreamed that my father was in his car, his jeep, and that my sisters and I had been called to say good bye to him. He said good bye and that he loved us and he waited for a machine to come and crush him. I woke up in a panic but refused to tell anyone about the dream. It felt … Read More remember, a wall of lilacs
The first sound that was close to a word that my son made was da. He would repeat it all the time, dadadada. I tried to get him to say ma. Mamamama. But it took a while. We read that the da sound is easier than the ma sound and that’s why it often comes first. I spent a good deal of time wondering … Read More mama: for those without one
I was going for some beautiful lilies. They were already open and their colors were intense–red and yellow and orange. A woman stopped me. “Those are already spent,” she said. “Go for these unopened ones.” She was right, of course. I said thanks and followed her suggestion. I was disappointed, though. I wanted those colorful beauties and not the green buds. What if their … Read More bloom
We heard “About a Girl” on the way to school. I was working at Tower Records on the corner of Newbury Street and Mass Ave on the day Kurt Cobain died. People kept calling the store, crying, asking us what they should do. We stood outside in our not-quite-designated smoking area (don’t stand on the stoop or you’ll get in trouble) and talked it over. What … Read More here we are now