I have a sinus headache. Woke up with it in the night after I dreamt I was in a building in which the floors above me and the floors below me collapsed and I didn’t know how to get out, how to get to safety.

After I took two Advil, I stayed awake in bed with my eyes closed but my brain on. Can’t stop thinking of the Amish girls and the sick fuck who, instead of seeking help or killing only himself, had to take them with him.

Why? Why? There is no sense in it. None.

This morning I read that a spokesperson from the Amish community in that area went to the family of the murderer and offered them forgiveness.

How does your heart become so big that you can offer forgiveness for such a crime? How do you let go of your rage? This is not to say that his family should be blamed anyway, but it sounds as though they are forgiving him–the murderer. Would I be open enough to do the same in their shoes? How do they do this?

You let go of it because you know that rage is a cancer. And you let go of it so that you don’t become some hatefilled monster who takes out his world of hurt on others.

That’s how.

And you have faith in something outside of yourself or something within yourself.

You must learn to let go of it all. You must learn to let go, and if you cannot, then hurt yourself and only yourself. This world was not made for you alone to do with it as you will.

I have forgiven much in my life. I have let go, but I waffle when I think of forgiving this beast. After all, we live in a society where every slight is punishable. Someone cuts you off on the highway and what do you do? Chase them down, run them off the road, and beat them senseless with a tire iron.

This is not what I do, but some people think it is appropriate.

Right now, I choose to let go, to learn from the example of people who can forgive even the most evil of crimes.