1) I got my yearly mammogram today. I’ve had one (or sometimes two) every year since turning 30 for no other reason than I think they are a lot of fun. I don’t know about you but having a stranger manuever your naked breast between two slats of plastic which he/she then turns the crank on so that they push together until your flesh and fat deposits are flattened is my idea of a good time.

Anyway, I do this, because I have to do it to be safe. And I’m glad that we have this test and yet I wish there was something less painful/intrusive.

Inventors of the world: please put your thinking caps on and create a test which is connical and which can be done by yourself so that no one other than you is touching your breast and while you’re at it, please create a self-pap smear exam. Thank you.

I’m not usually bothered by the stranger touching the breast thing for this exam but today the woman was, shall we say, CREEPY. She was sort of spacey and asked weird personal questions (“Do you work?” “Your skin is pink. Do your breasts hurt?”) and then went on random tangents about her dog, all the while letting her hand linger longer than it needed to on my breast.

Needless to say, this was unpleasant and I left there feeling sort of violated (not unlike if I ran into this fellow in the photo). But c’est la vie! Such are the joys of womanhood!

2) In other news, we have some sort of bad polluted air advisory in effect in my county today. We are not used to such things here! What is this thing you call smog?

Well, whatever it is, it’s clogging up our air.

3) Today I also went to the optometrist. My least favorite part of this visit is when he puts the yellow drops in my eyes and shines the blue light in them. Then I have to walk around with the whites of my eyes dyed yellow for the rest of the day. Today, I told him I had an appointment afterwards and so he washed them out with water for me.

Okay, so that pretty much sums it up. Sorry I have been so quiet. Have had company and am crushingly busy, but please do know that I still love you. Truly, I will always love you, so long as your creepy, fat, sweaty hand does not linger on my exposed and waiting to be checked for cancer breast.