So my lovely pup, Darby, is becoming more neurotic with time. I had thought he would become less so–but then I have become more neurotic with time as well.

Here is the growing list of things which set him shaking (and he’s adding to his shaking a disquieting teeth chatter, which both breaks my heart and freaks me out):

  • thunder
  • the ironing board
  • the iron
  • the beeping sound Allen’s new Prius makes
  • the beeping of our alarm system
  • when my computer beeps
  • any sort of popping noise
  • water in the form of puddles, lakes, streams, oceans, baths
  • there is a television commercial in which a fire alarm beeps–this is his new biggest fear
  • my niece’s pupppy (it weighs two pounds)–add to that any small dog–he also fears the ancient, blind miniature poodle up the street
  • we have this CD of Cuban music and during one of the songs a fellow makes an extended ai-yiyiyiyiyi sound–this scares Darby.
  • a fire in the fireplace is one of his biggest fears, especially when the wood cracks and snaps
  • Compare and contrast with the list of things that frighten me:

  • serial killers (Jeffrey Dahlmer used to be the one that scared me the most–followed by Gary Gilmore. Dude, his clown paintings alone can set me on edge. Now, it is the BTK freak. Did you see those photos he took of himself dressed up in that costume and mask and lying in a grave. YIKES!)
  • sharks–I should never have been allowed to watch Jaws.
  • heights–this one came about after the infamous tree incident, which can be found in my list of “interesting” facts.
  • flying–I don’t understand people who are not afraid of flying.
  • being lost at sea–just the thought of the cold North Atlantic and me out in the middle of it with nothing on the horizon. Shiver.
  • being in a submarine (there is no fucking WAY you would ever get me in one of those things)
  • being mauled by a bear/big cat–I read too much.
  • groups of people–particularly men–that I have to pass by
  • home invasion/car jacking–I watch too much television news
  • forest fires–I live in the woods, granted it is a damp woods.
  • that I might never attain my goals and die alone as a toothless old crone
  • driving on the highway–people drive like maniacs and I’ll be damned if I’m going to be killed by some Wal-Mart truck laden with plastic crap.
  • bridges–it’s the heights thing–also, used to have to cross over the Mercier in and out of Montreal and this is one helluva a scary bridge. Scariest bridge by far that I’ve been on is that one that leads from the mitten to the UP.
  • being lost in the woods in the autumn a la “Blair Witch” (that movie pretty much ruined the woods in autumn for me)
  • big dogs off leash with no owner around (Darby and I share this one)–My 7th and 8th years were pure hell because these people on my street let their German Shepherd chase me every day on my way home from school. They were often in their yard watching as it happened and said NOTHING.
  • cancer
  • being unwittingly spied on by the government of the country in which I live
  • Things I am not afraid of:

  • weapons of mass destruction in Iraq
  • terrorism
  • avian flu
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