“There Are So Many Experiences I Want to Write About Having Had” is an essay of utter perfection in The Onion:

It would be so incredible to see—to really see—an innocent man die. And then to write—to really, truly write—about the injustice of that man’s death. And then to have people who buy Granta read—really, truly, and utterly read—about that death with their own eyes. Of course, I would not escape such carnage unscathed: The emotional scars would be invisible to the naked eye, but totally evident in the depth of my astounding writing.

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