Now here’s something you don’t get to read every day, an account of being not-photographed by a famous photographer. I was sucked in from the first word–On Not Being Photographed by Diane Arbus:

In the gallery, I watch other people look at the photos and try to imagine my picture.

I am 15 years old. But do I look older? I thought I did. I am wearing heavy eyeliner and mascara, and my wavy hair is ironed to make it straight like the Beatles’ girlfriends. I have baby fat on my face, and next to me is my boyfriend. He has a full afro, dark skinned, with a gold tooth. He is 28 years old and probably high on cheap wine.

But that photograph wasn’t taken. And, even as I try to remember, I know there are many details that are lost.

Today is my favorite day of the year–Summer Solstice.

Would you care for a piece of toast?

Think this is an excellent, cynical take on the state of Hollywood–The age of celebrity: A little squirt (Or: Why do we all hate Tom Cruise?):

Money is, naturally, the back story to everything. It is almost impossible, in fact, not to consider the Cruise-Holmes romance and the Pitt-Jolie smooch rumours without also considering the fact that Hollywood is suffering from its roughest period at the box office in 20 years. Since February, the weekly big-screen revenues have been consistently lower than they were last year – the first time that has happened over so long a stretch since 1985.

Without a doubt, Anne of Green Gables was one of my favorite childhood books. It is not surprising to me, then, that a first edition of the book was auctioned for $24,000 on Friday.

I learned of my father’s death on a hot May morning when I was ten years old. My parents were separated and my father was alone in a sparsely furnished apartment as he died in the night.

When I went back to school after the funeral was over and everyone had gone home, the other children avoided me, as though I wore some death stigmata. Only one boy, someone whose generosity and maturity I had not expected, came up to me and said he was sorry for my loss. Later as we lined up to come inside from recess, someone hit me in the head with a rotten apple. It was an accident but it felt like pure malice. I was inconsolable.

A few days before Father’s Day our teacher handed out construction paper, glue, scissors, crayons. We were to make cards. Everyone set about doing this, talking and laughing. But I sat frozen at my desk. Staring at the paper, my hands shaking. In that moment, my place as outsider was sealed. I felt I could never be like the others again, not that I ever was (unless they wanted to copy my homework, then I was like them or so they tried to lead me to believe, though I knew otherwise).

It took a few minutes but my teacher did notice me and brought me out of the room and down to the teacher’s room and bought me a 7-UP from the machine. I sat there while the other kids made cards. Later I learned that some of the other girls were jealous that I got special treatment.

Special treatment.

And so went my first non-Father’s Day. And if you ever questioned how important a mother or a father is, then know this: when you are without them, you will know. I think of how I felt to live with this loss and then realize that I was lucky enough to have something to lose. Some children don’t have even this. And so today, if you know a kid whose dad is dead, or fighting some crazy war far away, or missing or gone, let that kid know you are sorry for his loss and that even without his father there, he will be okay.

And if you know a father who is special to you, tell him Happy Father’s Day and tell him that for me, too.

Today I am going hiking. It was one of my father’s favorite things to do.

Happy Father’s Day, Dad!

The latest edition of edifice WRECKED chock full of short stories, flash fiction, poetry and more is alive and well. Go on and read it. You won’t regret it.

I’ve had a shitty week. A shitty couple of weeks, actually, and today when I went for my run, I reminded myself that everything was going to be okay despite some of the questionable choices I’ve made. I’ve listened to my heart and my gut and continued to take the chances I need to take to live my life the way I want to live it.

Anyway, as though coming to me just when I needed it most, I found great comfort (and validation) today when I read the transcript of the Commencement address Steve Jobs gave at Stanford last Sunday. Here is my favorite part:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

I’m constantly amazed at how inspired some people are at taking their words to another level, creating a tapestry with the visual. Anyway, I don’t know anyone who pushes this particular envelope more than Joseph Young. Check out what this cool guy has done now: Movie.

Oh geez. I’ve been trying not to comment on this ongoing saga but… Tom Cruise proposes to Katie Holmes at Eiffel Tower.

Should we start taking bets?

This week marked my one year blogiversary for this particular “web log.” Anyway, not expecting any presents or cards or anything. Just saying. That’s all.

Oh, and it’s about 50 degrees outside. A few days ago it was 90.

Okay. That’s all for today. Aren’t you glad all of this excitement has lasted a whole year?

BIG congratulations to my pal Alicia Gifford who has been promoted to Fiction Editor at Night Train.