My child has been home sick all week. A fever has kept him from being very active. We’ve watched a lot of television. Too much. We are heavy with it. Easy to fall into and out of. So many choices that it is impossible to choose.

I remember myself. Sweaty on the couch. Light wavy through the red curtains. Woozy on actifed. Sleep and then not. I would watch Sesame Street, the Flintstones. I would watch Coronation Street with my mother. Maybe eat some soup or a popsicle.

And then the prize: Match Game.

I didn’t laugh because I didn’t get the jokes. The flirtation made me anxious, self-aware. My biggest crush to date had been James Garner when I was in kindergarten. By first grade, I had moved on to Richard Dawson. Bert Convy.

But the women were most interesting. The ones who played smart. Brett Somers. There was a great deal of scorn directed at her. Distrust. Being a woman and being smart was dangerous.

Someday maybe I would be dangerous too.

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