myfanwy collins

Matthew Quick is my friend, but that’s not why I love his books. I love his books because they are beautiful, and soulful, and full of heart. In fact, they heart they are full of is enormous. Here in Quick’s third novel, BOY21, that big heart grows larger still. As I neared the end, I felt I was living out that seen in the Grinch when his heart grows so large that it explodes the screen meant to encompass it. I read the final quarter of the book with a lump in my throat, falling in and out of tears, until I reached the end and wept.

Quick shows a lot of compassion for his characters, who are almost always people either living on the edge of society, nearly outcast but not done yet. Same here with Finley and his family, which includes his father, his legless grandfather, and his his beloved girlfriend, Erin. Add to this family a newcomer, Russ aka Boy21.

Russ has experienced a traumatic loss in the death of his parents and has wrapped himself in a fantasy world to escape his pain, much in the same way that Finley becomes selectively mute to repress his own past traumas. The two of them are at first forced together by their basketball couch but soon learn to form a friendship which becomes something like a brotherhood. What is interesting is that they do not bond over a love of basketball or over the fact that they both experienced devastating traumas, instead they bond over their ability to survive and see beauty and hope in the world despite the ugliness all around them.

It is a beautiful, triumphant book that examines the sensitive inner-lives of boys and shows how they might become the men they are meant to be. I am going to keep this book close to my heart and when my own son faces his manhood, I will share it with him so that he might see how Finley and Russ went from being scared boys into brave young men, by facing their biggest fears and sharing their emotions.

May, 1978. My father had been dead for less than a week. It was a Saturday night and then next morning I would be on a plane for the first time. Even before my father died, I sensed that something big and scary was happening. That something irreparable was about to happen. Earlier in the spring, I’d looked up at the sky and seen a plane flying over, the contrail lingering, and I felt myself moving across the sky behind it.

My mother let me stay up late and sleep on the pull out couch in the den. There I watched Saturday Night Live for the first time. O.J. Simpson was the guest host. Rickie Lee Jones was the musical guest. She sang this song and the feeling I had been feeling all spring broke wide open in my chest. I would never exist in this moment again as a young girl with a dead father who had never been on a plane. My life was about to change.

On Monday, I learned that the final draft of my thesis was complete. I also received my grade, which I’m delighted with. Two days ago the finished copies were delivered to the graduate department office. Relief. I’m done. The thing is that I have been so busy for so long that now I hardly know what to do with myself. So I’ve given myself this week to not start anything new. I am letting myself ease into this ending before my new beginning.

I had a bunch of great stuff happen at the end of last week. An essay I wrote, Giving My Sons the Tools of Faith, about my struggles to teach my son about faith beyond (or without) religion, was published on the Psychology Today blog.

Last Friday afternoon, I had fun as the guest host at LitChat. My thanks to everyone who showed up and made it such a fun discussion.

I was also treated to this lovely review by Pamela Erens. Here’s just a bit of it:

Myfanwy Collins is masterful at evoking landscape, particularly the harsh winter landscape of way-upstate New York. This novel’s emotional and physical weather are much the same: scouring, unpredictable, and dangerous. Echolocation casts a spell and leaves you shaken.

Thank you, Pamela!

On Saturday, my family and I traveled to Shelburne Falls, MA where we visited with family. Later that night, I was delighted to read at the charming Arms Library. My thanks, indeed, to everyone who attended and to my fathers-in-law who organized the event with the library director, Laurie Wheeler. My son was also in attendance. He made us all very proud by making intelligent comments and asking great questions during the Q&A session.

Lindsay Gates Markel over at Googlin’ Like a Hooligan gave Echolocation this wonderfully terse review:

ECHOLOCATION IS SO GOOD IT’S RUINING MY FAMILY.

I LOVE THAT! Well, I don’t want to ruin families, of course, but still… YAY! Thank you, Lindsay.

Later in the week, Brian Seemann followed up on his great review by asking me some great questions. Thank you, Brian!

Last night, I was fortunate to have another local reading. This time it was at the lovely, Rowley Public Library. Was touched to have two of the moms and one of the teachers from my son’s preschool there. I have been completely bowled over by the support I’ve been receiving for Echolocation from the parents and teachers at the school. I was talking to my son’s teacher about it this morning and she said, “We are so proud of you. We are a community.” I love that.

A nice end to the week, was this super feature in the Worcester Telegram: Rejection part of the process: Perseverance rewarded with publication of novel. My sincere thanks to Richard Duckett and the Telegram for running this story.

As for endings and beginnings… my mind has been going to April 1st all week. April 1st. April 1st. Yesterday, it hit me why. April 1st is the anniversary of my mother’s death. This year it will be 11 years since she is gone, but whenever I think of that day, it is yesterday.

Such a strange thing–the anniversary of someone’s death. It is the antithesis of the birthday, obviously. It is a day to mourn. Instead, on that day, I choose to celebrate her life, which was often hard, but also beautiful. I will never stop loving you, Mum, and also never stop being grateful that you brought me into this world, which I love.

Finally, let me leave you with my gratitude for reading and with this kiss, kiss, kiss:

A year ago, the thought of going back to school to finish my M.A. degree was certainly in my mind, but didn’t seem within the realm of possibility. How could I find the time and the brain capacity to finish this degree? Was I even smart enough to do it? Would they have me back? Did I even know how to be a scholar anymore?

It felt like there were so many obstacles in my way. Indeed, there were some real obstacles. Once I set the ball in motion and asked what it would take for me to finish, I found out that I would have to formally reapply and take the GREs (both general and subject matter). I found this out in June and began the process of filling out my application, writing my essays, and asking for recommendation letters. I thought I had time to study for the GREs because in my mind, I was applying to begin in September 2012. Once I sent in my application, however, the professor who came to be my advisor told me that she thought I was applying for September 2011.

It was July. There was no way I could be ready in a month. I had to organize a schedule for my son and work around my husband’s schedule. I had to get immunized. I had to take the GREs…

So much in my way. I could not do it.

But I said, fuck it, and did it anyway.

I thought my fellow students would disregard me and that I would find that they did not take school and literature very seriously. I imagined them speaking in text message. Instead, I found them inspiring, intelligent, eager to learn. I consider them not just my peers but my friends as well. And they have given me such hope for the future in that there are still people who are so passionate about literature that they study it exclusively.

I thought my professors would find me stupid and a poor scholar. Instead, we enjoyed our time together and learned from each other. My advisor is someone I truly admire. An intelligent, strong, and compassionate woman, she pushed me to always make my work the best that it could be, not letting me settle on what was easy. To me, that is the mark of a great teacher. I am forever grateful to her.

Each hurdle I overcame has felt like a major victory because nothing came easily. Mostly, though I had to shut up that nagging, negative voice in my head that told me I could not do it. That it was all too difficult and I wasn’t smart enough and that I was making my family sacrifice for nothing.

I was making my family sacrifice for something.

I kept going.

This week, I sat before my three readers and answered their questions in regards to my thesis and my research. This week, I passed my oral defense. I still have to finish the clean up and printing of my thesis but I am just steps away from the finish line.

My family sacrificed for something.  I am not too stupid. I am not too old.  I did it. And I’m telling you this now in case you are sitting on something that you really want to do but are unwilling to because you are listening to those negative voices in your head saying you can’t do it.

You can do it. I know you can.

Honestly, it’s been a pretty great week all around. Beginning last Friday night when I read in front of a room full of friends and strangers at Jabberwocky Bookshop. Can’t thank Sue Little enough for hosting my reading. It was a blast. Have such great and supportive friends. So thankful that they came out.

Later in the week, I was delighted and amazed by a trio of  wonderful reviews of Echolocation:

Steve Himmer wrote a thoughtful and stirring review which not only taught me something about my book, but about myself, my life, my past and future, as well. What a gift. Here’s just a bit of his review:

Those dual tensions, from the plot itself and from my own thwarted assumptions, kept me both engrossed in the story and wondering, in the back of my mind, what Collins was going to do with all this. And what she did was impressive: ultimately, Echolocationgoes where so few stories that build toward violence have the vision or courage to go: all the way to the aftermath.

Then the ever-wonderful, Ethel Rohan, stepped up to the plate and thrilled me with this fresh approach to reviewing Echolocation–A Letter From The Fictional Character, Geneva, To Her Author, Myfanwy Collins. So cool. Here’s a snippet:

 We have these lacks, then, and this haul, too, and we’re always in motion, struggling to get to the next place, or back to some previous place, and none of us seems to know just where it is we’re trying so hard to get to. While I read, though, I was still.

Last, but not least, Brian Seeman posted a lovely review of Echolocation on his blog. I didn’t realize it at the time I read the review, but I met Brian at AWP earlier in the month. He was wonderful enough to come to the joint reading featuring Patricia Henley and me. Brian and I chatted afterward and I later kicked myself for not getting his contact information because I wanted to stay in touch. Lo and behold, here he is writing about my book in a beautiful way. Here’s a bit of his review:

From beginning to end, readers are with Geneva and witness the struggles and successes she experiences throughout life, and when she makes her boldest decision in the novel, the one regarding what to do with Rick, the action is one readers ought to be prepared for. Later, in the closing pages of the novel, again Geneva’s choice is a surprising one, and Collins handles the final images perfectly. It’s a fitting closure for the novel and one surely to leave readers, as they’ve been throughout Echolocation, captivated and impressed.

My thanks to these three reviewers for their time and consideration. Feel extremely fortunate and grateful to have such thoughtful responses to my book.

Absolutely LOVE this interview with The Collagist. The responses are excerpts from Echolocation: She Wanted Her Old Arm Back or Nothing At All.

In other news, I was interviewed for another local paper this week about Echolocation, my family, and upcoming events: The Importance of Being Honest

As far as upcoming events go:

Today, March 23, I will be the guest host for LitChat which is super fun.

Tomorrow, March 24, I am excited to be reading, speaking, and answering questions about Echolocation at the Arms Library in Shelburne Falls, MA

Finally, on Thursday, March 29th, at 7PM, I have another close to home reading at the Rowley Public Library in Rowley, MA

One other very cool thing that happened this week is that Victoria Barrett posted an audio chapter from Echolocation on the Engine Books blog. The audio book has just been released and is available for purchase from the Engine Books site. It sounds WONDERFUL. I absolutely love it.

As always, thanks for reading.

The week started out great with a wonderful review of Echolocation in the Star Tribune: Four women confront their pasts in this tough, fierce story about not fitting in. My thanks to Ellen Akins for her terrific review.

Things just kept getting better as Echolocation was this week’s featured fiction at The Nervous Breakdown.

Had the best time at Pen Parentis on Tuesday night, reading alongside Suzzy Roche and Eleanor Henderson, both wonderful writers, mothers, and human beings. The audience was so wonderfully attentive and supportive. My thanks to Arlaina Tibensky and Milda DeVoe for hosting the event and for running this fine organization. For those of you who are parents/caregivers and also writers, please do consider joining the group as Pen Parentis is a great resource for you.

While in New York, I also got to meet my agent, Penn Whaling, face-to-face for the first time, when I visited the Ann Rittenberg Literary Agency offices. Penn and I have been working together for six years and so it was wonderful to have met her and Ann. Penn and I had a great chat. She was absolutely lovely to me, even when I spilled tea all over her desk. Was touched that she came to my reading that night as well.

Also at the reading was smart cookie and book blogger, Maura Lynch, from Loudmouthkid. Was super fun to meet and spend some time with Maura and I appreciated her for coming to the reading.

Honored to have an excerpt from Echolocation included in The Collagist. The issue is chock full of goodness and I invite you to explore it all. Many thanks to Matt Bell, who is most generous and kind.

My lovely friend, Jennifer Pieroni, asked me Just One Question about Echolocation.

Today, Echolocation is the Friday Freebie over at David Abrams’ wonderful blog The Quivering Pen. David has been extremely supportive of this book and I am most grateful for that support.

Tonight is my first local reading at Jabberwocky Bookshop. I’m terribly excited for the opportunity to read in front of local friends and family. The reading is at 7PM. I hope to see you there if you can make it.

Ending this week feeling truly grateful for all of the wonderful support for Echolocation and for me.

What a beautiful, eventful week it has been. Woke up this morning to a wonderful feature article in my local paper: I’ve always dreamed of this. Have received emails and phone calls and pats on the back today. My community has been so wonderfully supportive.

My mind was BLOWN by Maura Lynch’s generous review of Echolocation. Thank you, Maura! Here’s a quote from it:

“What we will do to preserve family, or sometimes destroy it, has mesmerized us since the beginning.  Myfanwy Collins’s ECHOLOCATION is a new classic literary crime thriller, beautifully written, seamlessly plotted, and heart-wrenching.”

I was also blown away by this terrific review from Kevin Fanning. Thank you, Kevin! Here’s a quote:

Saying much more would give too much away, but it’s not a book that hands things over tidily. It is true to life and true to its characters. Families can be messy and complicated because lives are messy and complicated, and this book doesn’t sugarcoat it or pat it down. It really stuck with me, I was chewing over the ending for the rest of the day, so “haunting” seems like the right word for it. Loved it.

I love the largehearted boy blog because it focuses on two things I love: music and the written word. Naturally, then, I was thrilled when David asked me to write a playlist for Echolocation. I loved doing it.

Dawn, over at the great book blog She is Too Fond of Books, was gracious enough to offer me a guest post. I wrote Pen Pals: Social Media Retrospective.

Last week I was at AWP in Chicago. My editor and publisher, Victoria Barrett, summed up the experience beautifully on the Engine Books Blog.

In my wildest dreams I could not have imagined the wonderful support Echolocation has received on its coming out. I wrote a bit about it here.

Last week was Newtonville and Chicago; next week is New York and Newburyport. So excited!

I just made myself a cup of green tea. The tag on the tea bag string said: “Live in your strength.” But right now I am overcome with emotion and do not feel very strong. It’s not that I think being emotional is weak; I do not. In fact, I believe being emotional is all strength and necessary. It is that I am allowing myself to fall into the arms of all of you who are standing beside me, holding me up. I am allowing myself to hear your kind and supportive words and allowing myself to accept those words as truth.

I have been superficially strong and now I’m letting that guard down and saying “yes” to you. I am saying thank you to you. I am letting my gratitude flow outward and upward and onward. I hope that you feel it.

Let me back up a minute.

Today, March 6th, is the official launch day for my debut novel, Echolocation.

I know it might feel to some that this book is already out in the world (and, indeed, it is), but this is the day that is its publication date. This day. Three days after my mother’s birthday. She would have been 80, though she would have lied shamelessly about it and told you she was 60.

It is significant to me, then, that my book is a Pisces. Pisces are kind and nurturing. Pisces have big hearts.

It is also significant to me that this book is being published by Victoria Barrett at Engine Books. She is someone I have long admired. She is strong and independent and loyal and absolutely kind. No matter what happens from here on out, I will consider her not just my publisher and editor, but also my friend. It is significant to me that my agent, Penn Whaling, has stood beside me for years without ever making a cent on my work and yet she still kept believing in me. I value her integrity and her loyalty and her belief in me. I will be forever loyal to her.

It is significant to me that I have my dear friends by my side, cheering me on and reminding me that they always knew this day would come.

It is beyond significant to me that I have my husband and my son and my extended family by my side. I cannot live without them.

I’m having a hard time expressing exactly how I feel at this moment, and so instead I will tell you a story. A few days ago, I returned from the AWP (Association of writers and writing programs) conference in Chicago. While I was there, I spent time at the Engine Books table signing books and talking to people. Just before my final signing, I went out to lunch with some friends. One of those friends was Kim Chinquee, who is not only a talented writer but a wonderful human being. As I was talking to her about how I was feeling (which is basically overwhelmed with emotion and gratitude) she was looking at me with such kindness and empathy that I truly felt I would break down right there at the table in the restaurant in front of everyone. And I didn’t care if I did. The emotion coming from her to me was absolutely pure and filled with nothing but kindness and understanding.

That same outpouring of emotion, my friends and family, is what I am feeling from you right now. I feel it from those of you who have read my book. I feel it from those of you who have extended yourself to help get the word out about this book. I feel it from those of you who have encouraged me for years and never let me stop going.

I feel it. I am living in my strength and my strength right now is you.

Thank you.

From all of my years of writing, I’ve steeled myself for negative feedback, for rejection. Imagine my surprise when I find that my book is receiving such positive feedback. Truly, my cup runneth over! This has been an incredible week of reviews and interviews, for which I am ever so grateful.

Today, I woke up to an interview between my friend Matthew Quick and me (at the end of the interview there is an opportunity to win one of two copies of my book).

Earlier in the week,  Michelle Bailat-Jones posted a beautiful review of Echolocation at Necessary Fiction

Over at LitStack, Jennifer M Kaufman posted a wonderful review of Echolocation AND an interview

Last but not least, over at The Quivering PenDavid Abrams posted a review of Echolocation’s book trailer 

Thank you to Matthew, to Michelle and Necessary Fiction, to Jennifer and LitStack, and to David and The Quivering Pen. You are all wonderful and I will never forget your support.